Life of a Prem Baby Blog

Archive for December 2010

That first week of Jensons life was a tough one, I wont lie, it wasnt easiest in the slightest. I was happy that Jenson was now in our lifes but went home after every visit with the worry that something might happen to him during the brief period that we were apart.

I knew he was in the best place possible if something were to happen, but it didnt stop me from worrying.

And the day that I went home from hospital was the worst, I felt like a bad mother. I was going home but my baby wasnt coming with me. I did have the option to stay longer if I had wanted but I just couldnt stand being in that hospital ward any longer and wanted the comforts of my own home. I felt selfish for feeling like this. I sometimes got the impression from some of the nurses in the Neonatal ward that I was perhaps doing the wrong thing and that i should be staying in hospital while my baby was still in.

That first night at home, as I was laying in my bed I lay there staring at my phone at the picture of my little boy. My heart ached to see him again and I felt so guilty for leaving him behind. I willed the night to go quickly so that I could soon be on my way to the hospital again.

That first week me and my husband devoted our lifes to going backwards and forwards to the hospital, we made sure we were on time for every Cares and thankfully I DID get quicker with my nappy changing. One thing I must say though, hospital parking charges are a nightmare!!! How can hospitals charge that much to visitors! We spent a fortune on parking charges while Jenson was in hospital!!

Each visit to the hospital was spent by Jensons side and asking for an update from the nurses on his progress. The time between the evening and the next morning visit was the worst for me, and it was at these times I felt my most guilty and when I worried the most.

Each day we visited we took photos on our phones of Jenson, to record the progress he was making. I look back on these photos now and I am still shocked at how tiny Jenson used to be, at the time he didnt seem so small but now I can see he was so tiny and very lucky to survive.

It must have been half way through that week that at one of our visits we were told the good news that Jenson could now come off of the antibiotics that the nurses had been giving him since he was born. The cultures had come back good, and this meant Jenson’s immune system was working properly. That great big needle in his right hand that was all bandaged up and turning his fingers purple could now come off!!

This was another momentous occasion for me and my husband, the fact that Jenson was now off one of the many drugs that were being pumped into him and that he could now cope by himself in this respect was fantastic. Yet another step closer to coming home.

This would also make changing his clothes a lot easier as well.

That first week Jenson developed nappy rash, and thats when we first really heard him cry. Changing his nappy at Cares time was torture for me, I hated hearing him scream in pain, it made me just want to pick him up and comfort him but of course it wasnt as easy as that because to do this I also had to unplug him from all the machines he was hooked up to. So I had to carry on with cleaning him up as best I could and comfort him by talking to him and stroking his face. The nurses assured me that the nappy rash wasnt anything to worry about and that it was extremely common in newborns, the nurses prescibe Jenson a nappy rash ointment cream that we were to apply at every nappy change and said that this should clear it up. Of course Jenson being in hospital also meant that perhaps he didnt have as many nappy changes as he could of had.

This probably didnt help with the nappy rash, so the nurses advised that Jensons nappy would be changed every few hours to try and help the rash to go away.

Even though the nappy rash was something minor to me it felt like something huge! Jenson had already gone through so much over the last week and now he had to contend with this. I hoped that the cream would work its wonder soon!

That first week my husband was with me at every Cares, we would take it in turns, getting into practice for when Jenson came home. However I knew the following week my husband would be returning to work and that it would just be me visiting during the day and doing Cares with Jenson.

This made me nervous, with my husband there it meant another pair of hands to help out, or someone to ask for advice if I was getting frustrated with something. Still I had to suck it up! Jenson was relying on me and I couldnt be such a wimp!

That week Jenson was also weighed for the first time since being born, his weight had dropped slightly at this weigh in and he now weighed 3 pound 11, two ozs less than his birth weight. This worried me, he already was just skin and bones and for him to loose even the smallest amount of weight was a big deal for him. The nurses advised me that weight loss in the first week of a newborns life was very normal and that hopefully at his next weigh in a few days later he would have put that weight back on. I had my fingers crossed that Jenson would be a good boy and drink all of his milk and prove the nurses right!

By the end of that first week I was exhausted. I couldnt help thinking how was I going to cope for however long Jenson was going to be in hospital? But I knew I just had to cope, there was no “I dont want to” or “I cant do this anymore”. My little boy was relying on me to be there to help look after him, I couldnt just think about myself now I had another little person who needed me


Yesterday I made the fatal mistake of walking to Tescos with Jenson tucked up in his pushchair…what would normally take about 20 minutes took me in total 2 hours to get back home!!!!

My decision for walking I thought was a good one, I didnt want to drive in the car and risk the car sliding on black ice so thought we would be safer walking to the shops. In hindsight it was safer but Jenson must have thought he was on a rollercoaster the amount the pushchair was bouncing up and down!

One good thing though, it was certainly a workout for me! My arms were literally falling off by the time I got back through my front door.

Of course going to Tescos this week is a bit of a nightmare anyway as for some reason everyone leaves it till the last few days before Christmas to buy everything for Christmas Day. So even though I took about 20 minutes collecting my items on my shopping list, I then spent about 45 minutes queuing to pay for my items! At least Jenson was asleep the whole time!

And of course all of the women in the queue wanted a peek at Jenson, no end of times at the moment they ask how old he is, and I either get the response “He is so small” or “Really?” and then I have to explain why he is small. I dont mind really, one of the things I like doing is talking about my little boy. I always start off my sentence saying that he is a special little boy, because to me he is. Already this year he has been through so much, and to have him here at Christmas is the best thing in the world.

So next time I dont think Ill be pushing the pushchair to Tescos! Too much hard work! lol

For all my readers who are mums and dads to their own premature baby, or even family members, take a look at this site

I know when Jenson was first born we struggled to find clothes to fit him, none of them were small enough for him! But this site supplies premature baby clothes as well as other necessacities. Take a look, you may find something that you need 🙂

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My Dear Precious Baby,

You have made it through your first year and look how far you have come. You are smiling, giggling and playing all the time. Your eyes become so wide with the excitement of a new toy, a new snack or when Mommy and Daddy enter your room. You pick up your arms now, letting us know when you want to be held. You jump up and down when you want to get out of your crib. You crawl under the kitchen table and hide, as we pretend not to see you. Yet, you don’t realize how special you really are and how much you mean to us.

You see baby, all those little things you do are small miracles. Miracles that happen every single day as you grow older. You entered this world too early, way too early. You were small and delicate. We saw tiny veins under your skin that pumped your will and determination unto your heart. Your hand went right through your daddy’s wedding ring like a silver bracelet. Your doctors told us to pray, and we did. Your doctors told us hope but not to expect too much, we hoped but expected everything from you. Your doctors also told us to be realistic, but you were finally a reality, and no longer a dream.

You see baby, we prayed for you before you came. We hoped for you before we knew we were expecting you, and the reality of you was far away in our dreams, until the day your were born. So, daddy and I stood with you everyday, we touched your fragile skin and held your tiny hands. We anticipated your first breath or to hear your first cry. Everyday, you fought to live, everyday we hoped you did.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned into months…and then we knew you were not giving up without a fight. We knew then, that you were going to make your mark in this world. One day, we were finally able to hold you, and once in our arms you cried, then we cried. Another day, you pooped all over the incubator, and the nurse told us you were going to be trouble. A couple days later, you were breathing on your own. You then learned how to eat as you took the bottle for the first time. You made a mess, and well, you still have not grown out of that yet. Three months later, you came home. You then metamorphosed into an ear- piercing screaming, poopy dropping, hunger-frenzied baby. You came home and took over.

So, you see baby, you are a fighter, you have heart, and you made a mark in this world and in our lives. You have surpassed our hopes and our dreams. You have given us the opportunity to love you and love you even more with each passing day. You make us laugh; you make us act silly. You make us see the world new again and experience it for the first time, and for that we thank you.

You are our miracle baby, and we love you.

Love Mommy and Daddy

This really brought a tear to my eye, and sums up everything that me and my husband went through in the beginning.

Just to let you all know my post “Jensons First night Out!” now has a photo of Jenson looking very grown up in his shirt and jeans 🙂 Enjoy x

Yesterday, while the snow was falling over our town and it was something like -5 outside me, my husband and Jenson sat in the Childrens Outpatients waiting room, not the most ideal way to spend your Thursday afternoon!

We were there because it was Jensons check up appointment since being discharged back in September. Luckily the waiting room wasnt too full and was fairly quiet, something we have learnt from Jenson is that he does not like loud places! He just likes it to be kept quiet and simple. Jenson was quite happy just to sit on Daddys lap and take in everything. He is extremely nosey at the moment and likes to look at everything and talk to everyone that will smile and talk to him back, he definately likes the attention, a bit like his Daddy!!!

At almost every appointment we have had at the hospital so far we have seen another Mum and Dad with their little boy, that was in hospital at the same time as Jenson. Their little boy had already been in hospital 51 days when Jenson was born, as their son was born at 26 weeks! He was a very poorly little boy and I learnt from talking to the parents that he had already been in a number of hospitals prior to coming to the hospital Jenson and him were in now. So to see their little boy each time Jenson has an appointment is great, its really good to see how big and well their little boy is doing. Jenson and their son were discharged in the same week, and its really nice to be able to talk to them and ask things like “How much does he weigh now?” and “Is he sleeping through the night yet?”. Their little boy is now 6 months old and is adorable, all of us couldnt quite believe how big our babies had grown since leaving hospital. I was pleased to hear that their son weighed nearly 13pound now, which is fantastic considering their little boy weighed less than a pound when he was born.

After a few minutes of catchup they were called in to see the doctor and I said I hoped their son got on well over the next few months.

After about 10 minutes of waiting Jenson was then called to be measured and weighed. We took him through to the weighing and measuring room and Daddy got Jenson undressed. Jenson currently loves being on the changing mat as he gets to really kick (making nappy changing interesting!), and because he thinks its a game the whole time you are changing him he just smiles, talks and giggles at you! You just cant help but smile back at him when he is like that. My husband said to me during the week that no matter how down you feel or how hard a week you have had, when your baby gives you the biggest smile in the world, it just instantly cheers you up and nothing else matters. Thats how it is with Jenson, everyone he meets he smiles and talks to and everyone always says how lovely he is. Lets hope it continues as he gets older!

So with Jenson undressed the nurse walked in and we placed Jenson on the scales. His weight came in at 13 pound 11oz! He had already put on 6 pound in a week, which is really good news. The nurse then asked us to placed Jenson back on the changing mat so that she could measure how long he was. Again he just thought it was a game and was quite happily kicking aware, while the nurse was trying to keep hold of one of his legs to measure him. When she finally managed to get him still she announced he now measured 61cms, again this was also good news as at his 6 week check he measured just over 50cms.

With the measuring and weighing done, we got Jenson dressed and went back through to the waiting room. Ten minutes later a doctor came through and called Jensons name, we both stood up and followed the doctor to his room.

The doctor we saw yesterday Id really like to praise. He has been the only one that hasnt fobbed us off when we have asked questions about Jensons health. Since Jenson discharge from hospital, ALL of the Health Visitors and Doctors have just fobbed us off when we have asked questions, and Ive felt stupid most of the time for asking some of the questions I have. Ive been made to feel as if Im an overly worried mother. So as a result Ive just stopped asking them. None of the health professionals outside of the hospital seem to have a clue about premature babies. Any of the answers they give me is all based on a baby that was born full term, which is no good to me!

When Jenson was discharged from the hospital and even before he came out the nurses and doctors on the Neonatal ward said to us that Jensons development would be slower than a normal full term baby, things would happen at different times, that certain medicines we wouldnt be able to give him etc etc. So of course with this in mind I had to keep asking questions when Jenson came home, I didnt want to do something or give him something that might affect him. Something the health professionals didnt seem to understand. Half the time they just didnt know!

So seeing this doctor yesterday and talking to him was kind of a relief. He was very friendly and approachable and the first question he asked was “How is Jenson getting on?” Not “Well he should be doing this now etc etc”. We told the doctor that Jenson seemed to be getting on really well at the moment. The doctor asked how his feeding was going, we explained to him that Jenson was now talking 7ozs of milk rouhgly 4 times a day, that he had dropped a feed and was now sleeping through the night, which the doctor seemed pleased with. The doctor said Jenson was putting on weight very well and seemed healthy enough. The doctor then asked if he could take Jenson to just check him over.

Jenson was laid on the bed in the doctors room and again thought it was just a game, so while the doctor was listening to Jensons heart, Jenson gives the biggest smile to the doctor! Bless him. The doctor checked that he responded to noises, checked Jensons hips and legs and also took both of Jensons hands and lifed him slightly off of the bed (not too sure what that one was for!). He then handed Jenson back to us.

The doctor said he was pleased with Jensons progress and that he could not see anything to worry about. The doctor then made the mistake of asking us if we had any questions! Lol oh dear!

Me and my husband just bombarded him with all the questions that we had already asked to the health visitors etc. I think we just wanted to hear from a medical person that dealt with premature babies everyday, we wanted the answers from him and not someone who was only guessing the answer. And all the while the doctor just smiled and answered them confidently.

I came away from that appointment happier than Ive felt talking to other medical professionals. We had finally heard the answers from someone who knows, and we could rest assured that everything Jenson was doing was normal.

Jensons next appointment at the hospital is in 6 months time, its crazy to think that at that point Jenson will be 10 months old! Lets hope that our appointment then is as good as yesterdays was.

Hi all

My post entitled “Back to the past – Three Day old Jenson” now has a new photo.

Happy viewing 🙂

December 2010
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