Life of a Prem Baby Blog

Welcome to the World Jenson

Posted on: 15/11/2010


Needless to say I didnt get alot of sleep that night, I was on a come down from all the drugs that I had been given and woke up about midnight shaking and feeling drunk, it was a horrible feeling and I didnt sleep at all, and of course because I couldnt get to sleep my mind just kept wondering about how Jenson was doing and worrying that he was all by himself and had noone to comfort him if he cried.

Before I fell pregnant my family and husband will tell you that I was never overly maternal, I wasnt one of these women that upon seeing a baby would go “Awwww how cute”, and I didnt feel comfortable holding a baby as they always seemed to cry! But yet as soon as I saw the sun raising the next morning I was immediately getting dressed and I felt this pull to go see Jenson right then, I had to go see him! Id already started to feel this intense feeling of love for my newborn baby, which took me by surprise as I never thought Id actually become a mum.

I still remember my own mum and Nan saying that they didnt think Id have kids anytime soon and Id taken them by surprise the day me and my husband announced I was pregnant.

So as soon as I was dressed and washed I made my way to the Neonatal Ward to see my little boy, it must have been about 7:00am in the morning and everything was so quiet, you could have heard a pin drop. I pressed the buzzer to gain entry to the ward, and a nurse opened the doors for me. I was asked who I was and I immediately answered “Im Jensons Mum”. A sentence that felt foreign on my tongue but one I knew I was comfortable with.

The nurse showed me through to the first room on the left hand side of the ward, the room contained no end of machinery and monitors to keep babies like Jenson alive. And at that time there was only one other baby in that room, a little girl called D, who I later found out had been born full term but was very sick when she was born, her mum was sat next to her, and the mum smiled at me as I walked in, a mutual understanding in that smile.

And then I saw my little boy, I smiled and felt sad at the same time. Jenson was laying on his side, fast alseep, with nothing but his nappy on, connected to all these monitors and with tubes coming out of him. He was so tiny, no bigger than my husbands hand and with a graze above his left eye. My little boy had survived the night, and felt such a relief, he was a fighter and I hoped he carried on that way.

The nurse came over to me and actually asked how I was! Something I didnt expect at all. I asked her how Jenson had been in the night. The nurse advised me that he had been really good in the night, although the only thing that concerned them was that he tended to forget to breathe! This alarmed me! But the nurse was not overly concerned, she explained to me that Jensons brain every so often would forget to tell him to breath, something that happens with premature babies, she told me that if Jenson kept doing this they would give him caffine to stimulate his brain which in turn would mean he would not forget to breath. Although scary to me, the nurse obviously dealt with this all the time and she assured me that he would be okay.

The cot Jenson was sleeping in was a special one, it had heaters top and bottom to keep him warm, and was linked up to equipment that monitored his heart and his breathing. There was also what looked like TV screens at one end of the cot, these cots were huge which seemed to make Jenson look even smaller!

Overall the nurses seemed pleased with Jensons progress in the night which was definately good news to hear.

While standing next to Jensons cot I wanted to reach out and pick him up but at the same time I was petrified of doing so! He was so tiny and I was frightened I would break him. However even though the first thing I wanted to do was hold him I wasnt allowed. Jenson was just too sick to be picked up at the moment and I would have to wait. I must have stood next to Jenson for a good hour, just staring at him. I couldnt help it! I was just so overwhelmed. I couldnt quite believe I was now a mum, that I was responsible for another human being. It just didnt feel quite real yet.

I eventually managed to pull myself away from Jensons side and decided Id walk back to my ward and have some breakfast. I couldnt wait for my husband to arrive at the hospital so that we could both go and see Jenson again and stand by his bed as proud parents.

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